


Holding you and never to let go

by Lokisbur



Series: In Purgatory's Shadow and By Inferno's Light [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Claustrophobia, Crying, Dissociation, Episode: s05e15 By Inferno's Light, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27452332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisbur/pseuds/Lokisbur
Summary: As they returned on the runabout, Garak needs some medical attention.
Relationships: Garashir
Series: In Purgatory's Shadow and By Inferno's Light [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005534
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Holding you and never to let go

Finally, he managed to connect the three last connections and beam them all up in the runabout. He still felt horrible, as if he was about to get crushed by the walls, incapable of breathing, alone in the dark and ready to die. But more important things needed to be dealt with, so he rejected the feelings as good as he could and started taping onto the ship's control. He could hear Bashir behind him, giving orders in order to treat his numerous patients, but without really understanding what was being said. 

He continued his work, bringing them toward Deep Space Nine and sending a message to the station saying it was from Bashir, in case they haven't found the changeling yet. His work being done and the ship being on autopilot for now, Garak looked at the screen in front of him, displaying the dark space. Then a hand landed on his shoulder. He stood up, ready to defend himself for the invasion of his personal space, only to stare at Bashir, his hands near his head in a sign of  _ I won't hurt you _ . 

"I'm sorry, but I need to take a look at you and you weren't answering me." he apologised. 

Garak softly smiled, "Of course doctor." 

He followed the lovable silhouette in direction of the infirmary, before stopping at the entrance. The doctor continued his path towards the different medical tools, setting them up to cardassian standards. 

"Garak? Is everything alright?" 

"I… I am afraid doctor, that…" the cardassian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "...that I cannot follow you further." 

He heard a faint movement, then the sound of tools being put into a bag and finally some steps towards him. He was about to open his eyes when a hand,  _ this hand again _ , landed on his arm and squeezed it twice. 

"What about we go into some quarters and make them yours for the rest of the journey" proposed the doctor. "And I can heal you there." 

The cardassian nodded and let himself yet again be pulled towards an unknown destination. 

They walked a few seconds then entered a quarter. If you even could call them  _ quarters.  _ It was so small, bigger than the "corridor" he was stuck in for the past two days, but smaller than the room they were in. He felt his body tense and his breathing quicken. He couldn't think anymore except for the flashbacks of his past, the one with the walls closing up on him, the one where he thought he would die, the one that gave him this irrepressible fear of small and closed spaces.

"I know, Garak, I  _ know _ it's small, but please try to breathe okay?" said the voice. "Come sit here and try to breathe, I'll treat your wounds." 

He felt himself being sitted and heard the buzzing noise of a medical tricorder. The voice was talking nonsense, but at least it was talking. He hoped it would never stop talking. 

A hand,  _ the same hand _ , cupped his cheek and moved his head slightly. It jolted him back to reality and facing Bashir again. 

"You're dissociating again." he pointed out. "Do you wish to talk? About what happened in the cell? Or your claustrophobia? But I think talking a bit can help you." 

The cardassian tried, he tried so hard to say something, but all his emotions were entangled together. His pain, fear, love, everything was just a big ball stuck in his chest and pressing against his heart, making him feel sick. He couldn't concentrate on that. He couldn't and didn't wish to. So instead he looked at the soft caring face in front of him. He noticed the small tears in the eyes, the bags under them, the growing beard, the messy hair. He raised his hand toward the face, but as he did he noticed something. The swollen bump on the forehead, the rest of blood near the nose, the bleeding wound on the right side of the face. 

"My dear, you're hurt." he let out. 

He reached for the medical equipment and gave the same treatment to the doctor than the one he received just before. To his relief, he wasn't hurt too much, but as he was taking another tool to help the healing, the hand rested on his wrist. 

"Garak, I'm alright. I'm worried about  _ you _ . You went through a lot and I want to be sure you're fine." 

"You're hurt, dear." he said again, tears in his eyes this time. 

He took the warm hand with his free one in order to place it on the man's lap and continued his work. When he was satisfied with the result, he placed the tool back in place and probed the face with his finger, to feel if everything was alright. But only a few seconds later his vision started to blurry. The unshed tears in his eyes were growing and taking up all the place, so much that when he blinked, they couldn't do anything else but roll down his cheek. 

"Garak" whispered Julian. 

"Elim" he answered, more tears coming up.

"Elim, what can I do for you?" 

What could he do? Elim didn't know. Not precisely anyway. What he wanted however was to hear his voice, feel his warmth,  _ hold him _ and never let go. 

"Talk." he answered. 

"Sure. About what?" 

"Hold me." he added, taking a breath right after. 

He couldn't stop the tears anymore, he couldn't stop himself from feeling everything at once, he  _ had _ to let go of everything and he wanted Julian. He wanted him to be here, to stay here, to talk, to warm him, to  _ love _ him. But he couldn't express all of it in one breath, he even thought that he couldn't express all of it in even a lifetime. So he tried to restrain himself. He tried, until… 

… Until he felt two arms brushing him, talking him in their embrace. The chin of his tender human rested on his shoulder. The soft warmth coming out of his body. And most importantly, the loving voice repeating "shhh, I'm here, you're not alone, everything will be alright.". 

He couldn't stop, and now he couldn't try to stop anymore. So he threw himself in the embrace and cried all the tears his body could produce. 

He didn't know how long they stayed like that. Him crying and Julian holding and softly rocking him from right to left. But he didn't want anything to stop. He had felt loved a small bit, when Tain told him about this day, but it wasn't as strong as it was now, while he was in Julian's arms. Oh he knew for a long time that he was feeling something for the human, and maybe the human did too, announcing it with those occasional couple of squeezes he seemed to do to no one else but him. But he never felt the actual  _ love _ coming out of all this. 

He finally let it out, as he let out the rest. 

"I love you, Julian" he whispered, tightening his grip around the man as he said so. 

"I love you too." he heard the human say, feeling a floppy but filled with love kiss on his cheek. 

He felt content for the first time in a long time. He let himself be driven away in this feeling, sure that no one but Julian would see his weak state. He didn't exactly know when, but he felt himself fall asleep and felt Julian help him in bed, leaving a tender kiss on the side of his mouth before lowering the light and going in the bed above his. 


End file.
